We all lost the run of ourselves! So, what now?

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s classic grief cycle model of response stages to bereavement was created to help people cope with the most terminal of traumatic events.


Elizabeth’s 5 non-linear stages are; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. In essence, the sooner one can come to the point of Acceptance, the better.


By extended application, this simple yet powerful model may also enable many of us to understand and move on from lesser though extremely serious events or conditions in our business and personal lives. How about the fall-out from the international financial turmoil and closer to home, the demise of the Celtic tiger?


Almost without exception in Ireland, North and South, we suffered from and were severely damaged by a syndrome that I call “WALTROO” (We all lost the run of ourselves).


WALTROO-induced traumatic events are being experienced by people all over Ireland. Traumatic events such as losing jobs, houses, status, peace of mind, or stacks of money are tough to face, but it is essential to accept and then work with the new realities.


Elizabeth’s model can help in coping and moving on.


Denial – Get out of it!
• We are not among the richest nations of the world any more.
• In reality, we never were. (but we had a smashin’ time while it lasted!)
• If you can see green shoots anyway soon, you are colourblind or deluded.
• Lower your short/medium term expectations with regard to personal wealth and expenditure.
• Take personal responsibility for the money you spent (sometimes well, in fairness), borrowed (OK far too much), wasted (don't go there), misspent (apartments in Bulgaria? Crikey!)


Anger – Get over it!
• Bankers, politicians, Government, builders, developers; Grrrr! Rant! Grrrr!
• Blaming others won’t help you. You were delighted the banks lent you the money! You loved the ride, big-shot!
• You bought the houses, second homes, new kitchens, Armani suits, Jimmy Choos, long-haul holidays, tasty meals and you ran up the debts; so if you have a strong uncontrollable urge to blame somebody, blame yourself.
• Take personal responsibility.


Bargaining – Forget it!
• You can't stay in the old paradigm - the Tiger economy is gone.
• You can't be a big-shot any more - or even a middle-shot.
• Accept the truth that you are currently a wee-shot, and build from there.
• Attempting to bargain will only delay your emergence from the deep darkness of depression.
• Take personal responsibility


Depression - Won't fix anything!
• This is a natural, and probably inevitable, stage
• The toughest one to deal with
• Essential to get out of it, quick
• Be courageous, take personal responsibility


Acceptance - This is the only positive stage!
• Acceptance of personal responsibility is intensely liberating and uplifting
• Get here as quickly as you can
• Now, and only now, can you make real progress
• This is when you make the emotional adjustment to the new realities
• There is life after the Tiger!


The platitudes that go with times of trauma such as "time brings healing" or "look for a silver lining", while well-meaning are often hard to take, but they contain more than a grain of truth.


Elizabeth's model can help. How do I know? - I got smacked in the meltdown too!


By the way, if you see a grumpy (but otherwise generally happy) geezer with WALTROO tattooed on his forehead - that'll be me!